Anyone here ever went through a separation or divorce?

[sparklecityspur]

I think I am. Just need some SC law advice for anyone gone through it.

[Herbie3]

Many of us have been thru it on this site. Thoughts and Prayers are with you. Whatever you do, don't move out until you have a court hearing.

[Spurticus]

Been There, Done That

[sparklecityspur]

Not on my part, she committed adultery and is still contacting this guy. I'm trying to get her to go to counseling but it seems like I just need to give up on her.

Sucks, been with her for 13 years, since I was 21.

So does admission of adultery by her stand up in court, and if not, will I have to pay her alimony.

[Acockolypse Now]

Oh man, that's brutal.

Sorry you're having to deal with that.

[cockymac]

Not yet, but I'm hopeful.

[sparklecityspur]

Worse yet, he is a bum, does not work. She is spending money on him. Honestly I don't see it lasting long. She has an irrational infatuation with him.

[Don Giovanni]

Even though I've never gone through it personally, I can tell you one thing for sure, and that is it doesn't matter if one party or the other is "at fault" in the relationship when it comes to alimony.

[The Yancey]

Dude, you need a lawyer stat. A real one, not messyboard types.

[Spurticus]

Best if you have proof of the affair. You can get this yourself by following
her and taking pictures, taping her phone conversations with the guy.
Or you can have a private investigator get then info for you.

I wouldn't go on just her admission to you, and that she'll say the same
thing in front of a judge when it comes time for the papers to be drawn up.
Get the proof, then you'll need to have an attourney draw up the papers
and have them served on her. (IF DIVORCE IS WHAT YOU'RE SEEKING).
I'm sure it's still the same as it was when I got a divorce, but in SC, there's
only five recognized grounds for a divorce. 1.)Adultry 2.) Abandonment
3.)Physical Abuse 4.)Substance abuse 5.)Legal Separation for one full
year.

With the first 4, the legal process moves pretty quickly, but if you don't
have grounds that would grant you one on the first 4, you have to get
legal separation papers signed by both parties, and a judge has to grant
them. Those could take several months or a year to get finalized once
both of you agree to split up..... One year from the date those are
signed by a judge is the "Legal Separation" period. Then one of the parties
has to have the papers drawn up for divorce on the grounds of legal
separation, and have those served (which might take several weeks or
months). Then a court date is set and you go to court for the judgement.
All together, the legal separation process could take 2 to 4 years.

As someone said above. .... best to talk to a lawyer ASAP if you are
determined to end the relationship.

[catdaddy66]

Get proof!! You and she may agree on some things using the honor system, but this WILL change in the courtroom!! Trust me on that. As much as I hate 'em, you need an experienced divorce attorney.

[sparklecityspur]

Originally Posted by Spurticus

Best if you have proof of the affair. You can get this yourself by following
her and taking pictures, taping her phone conversations with the guy.
Or you can have a private investigator get then info for you.

I wouldn't go on just her admission to you, and that she'll say the same
thing in front of a judge when it comes time for the papers to be drawn up.
Get the proof, then you'll need to have an attourney draw up the papers
and have them served on her. (IF DIVORCE IS WHAT YOU'RE SEEKING).
I'm sure it's still the same as it was when I got a divorce, but in SC, there's
only five recognized grounds for a divorce. 1.)Adultry 2.) Abandonment
3.)Physical Abuse 4.)Substance abuse 5.)Legal Separation for one full
year.

With the first 4, the legal process moves pretty quickly, but if you don't
have grounds that would grant you one on the first 4, you have to get
legal separation papers signed by both parties, and a judge has to grant
them. Those could take several months or a year to get finalized once
both of you agree to split up..... One year from the date those are
signed by a judge is the "Legal Separation" period. Then one of the parties
has to have the papers drawn up for divorce on the grounds of legal
separation, and have those served (which might take several weeks or
months). Then a court date is set and you go to court for the judgement.
All together, the legal separation process could take 2 to 4 years.

As someone said above. .... best to talk to a lawyer ASAP if you are
determined to end the relationship.

Would text messages hold up in court. I called my provider a while back but they said I needed a court order to have transcriptions pulled. I'm not sure how long they're on their servers.

[davidmc467]

Originally Posted by sparklecityspur

Would text messages hold up in court. I called my provider a while back but they said I needed a court order to have transcriptions pulled. I'm not sure how long they're on their servers.

I would think they could be used unless she can prove the phone was not in her possession at the time those text messages were sent.

I'm not a lawyer.

[sparklecityspur]

What about a recorded confession?

[stiffolcock]

lawyer. today. stop dicking around.

[Spurticus]

Originally Posted by sparklecityspur

Would text messages hold up in court. I called my provider a while back but they said I needed a court order to have transcriptions pulled. I'm not sure how long they're on their servers.

It might. I'm not a lawyer, and that's why I said it's in your best interest
to talk to an attourney. He can answer questions like this. I know from
talking to my lawyer going through my divorce, the general process, but
specifics like this can only be answered by an attourney. I know if you
have hard evidence, you can pretty much call the shots when it comes
time to "bargin" with her about details. .... She can (and in most cases
will) say to your face what you want to hear, but when it comes time
to get the ball rolling, her attourney will advise her that saying the same
things to a judge, or openly admitting things might not be so wise.

Once you prove to her that you know about the affair, and you show
her HARD evidence (such as a recording of her talking to the other
guy, or pictures of her and him together), then her attourney will be
forced to have her "do the best she can under the circumstances".

as for Text Messages... they may be condeming, but she could always
say it was a joke, or she did it to get even with you etc... (just my
opinion, and looking at it from a point of "Covering All The possibilities")
She MIGHT do the honorable thing and if she admits it to you alone, she
may admit it to a judge as well, but it would be a very rare case if she
did.

[Spurticus]

Originally Posted by sparklecityspur

What about a recorded confession?

That would work.

[TKE226]

a lawyer would be able to tell your for certain about all your questions

[Cocklover]

been there done that and i'm not doing it again...LOL

[FloydTheBarber]

I'm a 'prepare for the worst' kinda guy...and I would assume even a recorded confession wouldnt be enough. A good lawyer for her could always argue she was just trying to hurt you by lying and saying she was cheating on you.

Private investigator...actually having a third party get you proof is the BEST way to go.

And if its true what others are saying regarding alimony, that it doesnt matter if she was cheating on you or not- then thats absurd. Laws around divorce in this country are ridiculous.