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Old 09-16-2013, 04:36 PM   #1
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Default Another prayer request

Last night, things escalated at home. My wife has asked for a divorce. I don't want one. I desperately want to save our marriage. Please pray for us. We've got a LONG way to go but I still have hope.
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Old 09-16-2013, 04:47 PM   #2
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Default Re: Another prayer request

Done. This is just my opinion (and I am a divorced Dad), do not try and pressure her. Don't badger her or ask her a bunch of questions. I'm not sure how it works in CA but in SC you have to be seperated for a full year. If things can't be saved then try and be as civil as possible for the sake of your kids even if it means swallowing all of your pride.
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Old 09-16-2013, 04:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by lencho30 View Post
Done. This is just my opinion (and I am a divorced Dad), do not try and pressure her. Don't badger her or ask her a bunch of questions. I'm not sure how it works in CA but in SC you have to be seperated for a full year. If things can't be saved then try and be as civil as possible for the sake of your kids even if it means swallowing all of your pride.
Thanks for the advice. I want so badly for this to work it's hard not to try and persuade her. I have hope she really doesn't want this either but is just really hurt. My kids don't deserve this. Our lives would be better staying together. I truly believe this. I just need her to realize the same. But you're right - there's nothing I can do. Please pray for me. I can barely make it through work without crying.
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Old 09-16-2013, 05:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Thanks for the advice. I want so badly for this to work it's hard not to try and persuade her. I have hope she really doesn't want this either but is just really hurt. My kids don't deserve this. Our lives would be better staying together. I truly believe this. I just need her to realize the same. But you're right - there's nothing I can do. Please pray for me. I can barely make it through work without crying.
It's gonna be tough... Real tough. Take it one day at a time, then one week at a time and after a few months you will start feeling better. We sat down together with our kids and explained to them what was happening. They were 11 and 8 at the time. It didn't work out for us as far as staying together but, we do get along better now than ever. I do consider her a close friend and someone I can talk to about anything. Most important though is we still work together raising our boys. Our sons both know that they can't get away with anything because their mom and dad are in constant communication about them.

Hang in there man. One way or another, things WILL get better.
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Old 09-16-2013, 05:18 PM   #5
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Default Re: Another prayer request

I know this has to be tough. Fighting with your mate is one of the worst things that can happen. Just got to have faith and pray.
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Old 09-16-2013, 05:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: Another prayer request

Joint marital counseling.
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Old 09-16-2013, 06:04 PM   #7
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Default Re: Another prayer request

Prayers sent.
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Old 09-16-2013, 06:29 PM   #8
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Joint marital counseling.
I would love to. I would take anything. But that takes two people and she isn't willing right now. It's out of my hands.
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Old 09-16-2013, 06:36 PM   #9
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Default Re: Another prayer request

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, Jeremy.
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Old 09-16-2013, 07:08 PM   #10
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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I would love to. I would take anything. But that takes two people and she isn't willing right now. It's out of my hands.
I would suggest that you go alone then. That is not uncommon and I saw it in my practice often. IN addition I would suggest backing off and keeping your emotions in check. Not only do women not want to be badgered they also can easily despise a needy begging man. I know that you want to be doing things to hopefully work this situation out but both arguing and pleading are ways that will hurt instead of helping. If it is that important to you that this relationship work out then I say see a licensed marital counselor yourself alone. Follow their advice. Even if the relationship cannot continue as in the past you need to make the change one that allows everyone in the family to retain maximum self esteem.
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Old 09-16-2013, 07:56 PM   #11
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by The Yancey View Post
Joint marital counseling.
It's certainly an option but in my case I was the only one putting forth the effort to make it work.

I feel for you Jeremy. Truly I would not wish what your going thru on anyone. Do the best you can do for your children even if it doesn't work out. I'm sending positive vibes to the left coast!
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Old 09-16-2013, 08:33 PM   #12
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by The Yancey View Post
I would suggest that you go alone then. That is not uncommon and I saw it in my practice often. IN addition I would suggest backing off and keeping your emotions in check. Not only do women not want to be badgered they also can easily despise a needy begging man. I know that you want to be doing things to hopefully work this situation out but both arguing and pleading are ways that will hurt instead of helping. If it is that important to you that this relationship work out then I say see a licensed marital counselor yourself alone. Follow their advice. Even if the relationship cannot continue as in the past you need to make the change one that allows everyone in the family to retain maximum self esteem.

What Yancey said... Let her go and get help for yourself. The hard truth is that she may never come back but, you will have learned from this and it will help you n the future.

I know this sucks and I for one will be here for you if needed. It WILL be HARD but now will be the time to find out how strong you REALLY are.
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:28 AM   #13
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Default Re: Another prayer request

Thanks for all of your prayers. Here's an update.

I have moved out for the next 30 days. I am going to leave her alone and focus on the things God wants me to focus on. God has asked me to let go and give this to Him. I still have hope and that hope truly does come from God. I am not an optimist by nature but God has given me a love for her and a hope for the future that doesn't come from me. I know it is His will for us to stay together. However, her heart isn't ready right now. Please pray in the next 30 days that God will do a miracle, change her heart, and save our marriage.

Each day, I will be at home after work spending time with my boys. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I need to trust God and focus on Him. Prayers appreciated.
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:48 AM   #14
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by uscjeremynca View Post
Thanks for all of your prayers. Here's an update.

I have moved out for the next 30 days. I am going to leave her alone and focus on the things God wants me to focus on. God has asked me to let go and give this to Him. I still have hope and that hope truly does come from God. I am not an optimist by nature but God has given me a love for her and a hope for the future that doesn't come from me. I know it is His will for us to stay together. However, her heart isn't ready right now. Please pray in the next 30 days that God will do a miracle, change her heart, and save our marriage.

Each day, I will be at home after work spending time with my boys. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I need to trust God and focus on Him. Prayers appreciated.
Good luck...I know it will be hard. I really think that you need to take Yacey's advice and find a good counselor. Heck, I would maybe even start at your church if you need help finding one. My advice it to try to live your life and that of your boys as normally as possible...never disparage your wife to your children nad make sure that they know that the situation has nothing to do with them. I don't know your specifics, but it is my opinion that things have usually been spiraling out of control for sometime when a divorce is threatened and it may be too late for joint counseling...but if you need help, get it! I had a lot of problems when I lost a parent and the best thing I ever did was go and talk to someone about it who was not my wife
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:33 AM   #15
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Default Re: Another prayer request

I have been through a similar situation recently, though children were not involved.

In my experience, time alone at a new place was challenging. Despair, regret, hopelessness all seemed to affect me when left to my own thoughts. I began volunteering and it helped tremendously. Gave my mind something else to focus on. Exercising, hiking, rec league bball and softball are all things that I enjoy doing and have helped me too. Spend your free time doing what you enjoy doing.

This may not be the path you want, but it is the path God has chosen for you. There is a reason for it though it may not be apparent to you at the time. Keep faith, trust that you are exactly where God has put you; and know that this too will pass.


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But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water and sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:28 PM   #16
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by ShutTheSuccop View Post
Good luck...I know it will be hard. I really think that you need to take Yacey's advice and find a good counselor. Heck, I would maybe even start at your church if you need help finding one. My advice it to try to live your life and that of your boys as normally as possible...never disparage your wife to your children nad make sure that they know that the situation has nothing to do with them. I don't know your specifics, but it is my opinion that things have usually been spiraling out of control for sometime when a divorce is threatened and it may be too late for joint counseling...but if you need help, get it! I had a lot of problems when I lost a parent and the best thing I ever did was go and talk to someone about it who was not my wife
When things started falling apart a few weeks ago I went to a counselor - 6 or 7 times. I've been to a counselor before and I know what my issues are. I just need to work on them. I'm living with a Christian family and the man has been active in my life the last few weeks. He is an amazing man and has been so loving and encouraging. I've got numerous guys I've turned to and poured out my heart. I've got a good support group, know my issues, and am working on me. Yet this is still hard.

Right now, her heart is hard. There is nothing I can do about that. Me being there only made things worse. I need someone to help me work through it (hence, the group of men in my life to help me) and she needs space. I pray that God will soften her heart, lead her back to him, and restore us to that awesome man and woman that we were following God when we dated and fell in love. I miss that woman. I've never had more love for her than I do now (which shouldn't make any sense since she hates me) so I know this is from God.

I'm working on me. I pray God will work on her.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:32 PM   #17
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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I pray that God will soften her heart, lead her back to him, and restore us to that awesome man and woman that we were following God when we dated and fell in love.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:34 PM   #18
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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Originally Posted by taylorssc View Post
I have been through a similar situation recently, though children were not involved.

In my experience, time alone at a new place was challenging. Despair, regret, hopelessness all seemed to affect me when left to my own thoughts. I began volunteering and it helped tremendously. Gave my mind something else to focus on. Exercising, hiking, rec league bball and softball are all things that I enjoy doing and have helped me too. Spend your free time doing what you enjoy doing.

This may not be the path you want, but it is the path God has chosen for you. There is a reason for it though it may not be apparent to you at the time. Keep faith, trust that you are exactly where God has put you; and know that this too will pass.
Thank you for the verses and encouragement. I do believe God is calling us to be together and will restore our relationship. I believe that is from Him and I just need to have faith and trust Him as I get out of the way.

I have talked to her about things and she won't even look at me. yet I say something and she swallows hard. I know it isn't much but I believe she still cares. I feel like Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi in the big fight with Darth Vader. He still senses good in him despite his hard exterior. I sense that goodness and love too. I truly believe God will save our marriage but this is really, really hard right now.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:56 PM   #19
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Default Re: Another prayer request

Jeremy...you definitely have my prayers. God is working in your life and her life...if he wants you two together then it will happen. It sounds like you have wonderful friends and family to help get you through this. Prayers work wonders...we'll all keep saying them.
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Old 09-17-2013, 01:02 PM   #20
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Default Re: Another prayer request

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???
Praying that God will lead her heart back to Him - God. As much as I love her now, I miss that godly woman I fell in love with.
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