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Old 10-24-2013, 11:39 PM   #1
Acockolypse Now
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Default Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Sorry for the lack of a game wrap-up, I was in Nashville this week, and frankly by the time I found myself with free time I really didn't feel like revisiting that crap-fest.

Onward.

This will forever known as "the week the SEC ate it's own dick." Sorry for being crass, but the amount of foot-shooting this week was unparalleled in the modern age. You have to go back to the Maginot line to find a bigger clusterfark than the SEC this week.

Google it.

Game 1: #1 Alabama 52 Arkanas 0
This was the ONLY game that went about as expected this week. I like to imagine Bobby Petrino, cocktail in hand, sitting in a hot tub in Western Kentucky with a blonde co-ed beside him, watching this game, nodding quietly to himself and absentmindedly running his fingers over fading scars.

Game 2: Ole Miss 27 #6 LSU 24
Maybe I had LSU ranked too high all year. Maybe I had Ole Miss ranked too low. Maybe nobody in this league can figure out whether they're a good team or not. All I know is that Ole Miss rolled up 525 yards on LSU and Oxford consumed FEMA-type amounts of Bourbon in the 72 hours that followed it.

Game 3: Vandy 31 #15 Georgia 27
Mark Richt may have well and truly lost control of something. UGA was up 27 - 14 heading into the 4th quarter, but as South Carolina could have told them, those idiots at Vandy don't know when they're beaten. Georgia only managed 221 total yards against Vandy, meaning their offense continues to head South with all their starters on the bench. If they lose to Florida in two weeks, expect Richt to lose control over the temperature of his seat.

Game 4: #14 Missouri 36 #22 Florida 17
What the hell Missouri? Settle down. It doesn't surprise me that Missouri won, Florida is a one dimensional team. What did surprise me is that Mizzou outgained them 500 yards to 151. I did not see this coming.

Game 5: Tennessee 23 #12 South Carolina 21
South Carolina seems uninterested in winning the SEC East. The allure of Tampa in January is apparently too strong to pass up.

Game 6: #24 Auburn 45 #7 Texas A&M 41
1215 total yards of offense. 0 self respect. This is Big 12 football. Gus Malzhan didn't choose this path, but he'll play the hand he's dealt. A competent coach who doesn't mind Auburn's booster's..."enthusiasms"? God help the SEC West.

Week 7 Power Ranking
1. Alabama (7-0)
Next up Tennessee: Tennessee has new life after a close game with Georgia and a win against South Carolina. Alabama will smother it with a pillow.

2. Missouri (7-0)
Next up South Carolina: For the past two weeks Missouri was supposed to be tested. Well, if those were test they passed with flying colors. South Carolina is the only thing standing in their way to Atlanta.

3. Auburn (6-1)
Next up Florida Atlantic: The Iron Bowl just got interesting. I'm not totally sold on Auburn for the same reason I wasn't sold on Texas A&M, but hey, the SEC is whack this year.

4. Texas A&M (5-2)
Next up Vandy: Their lack of defense finally caught up with them. Next week's match up with Vandy is way more interesting than it should be.

5. LSU (6-2)
Next up Furman: As entertaining as Les Miles is after a win, he's even more entertaining after a loss. During his weekly press...WAIT A MINUTE, LSU IS PLAYING FURMAN?! WHAT THE HELL?

6. Ole Miss (4-3)
Next up Idaho: Best 4-3 team in the country. The Vandals are coming to town next week. That either means some fantastic old-school punk or an easy win. Maybe both.

7. South Carolina (5-2)
Next up @Missouri: Just when the defense started to come around, the offense takes a week off. Which South Carolina team shows up next week? They better hope it's the one that played Arkansas, because if it's the one that played Tennessee they'll get run out of CoMo.

8. Tennessee (4-3)
Next up @Bama: Butch got his signature win. I have a feeling this will be his signature beat-down.

9. Vandy (4-3)
Next up @Texas A&M: Franklin has one more shot to save his season. A loss here means a probable 7-5 season and a loss of the program's momentum. If he's not careful he's going to get stuck there.

10. Florida (4-3)
Next up off: YOU HAD ONE JOB MUSCHAMP.

11. Georgia (4-3)
Next up off: Are you a running back? Do you seek exciting opportunities and love a challenge? If so, call Mark Richt at 1-800-SAVE-MY-ASS.

12. MSU (4-3)
Next up Kentucky: No need to predict, I just got done watching this dumpster fire. Well done MSU.

13. Kentucky (1-6)
Next up @MSU: Always finds a way to be right there in the 4th and still lose, which is a special kind of hell.

14. Arkansas (3-5)
Next up off: Outscored 104 - 7 in the last two games. That's about as bad as you can possible do. The Wisconsin AD keeps calling Beilema's house, giggling and hanging up.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:23 AM   #2
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Entertaining as always.. Nice.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:42 AM   #3
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

I love the smell of FEMA Bourbon in the.morning. It smells like.....victory.
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Old 10-25-2013, 01:14 AM   #4
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Fading scars ... lol
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Old 10-25-2013, 01:28 AM   #5
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Woooooo #3
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:26 AM   #6
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Just so you know, 1-800-SAVE-MY-ASS comes up as an actual link on my phone.

I'm afraid to dial it because I think it will actually put me through to the Batcave or something
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:27 AM   #7
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Good news for UGA is that Todd Gurley is back at practice while Michael Bennett and Trey Matthews were dressed out and working on the sidelines.

Bad news is that Harvey-Clemons and Conley were nowhere to be seen and 2nd string ILB Reggie Carter suffered a torn meniscus and is out 3-6 weeks.
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Old 10-25-2013, 02:49 PM   #8
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Ugh, this next month is going to be unnerving. Arkansas gets has a bye week to prepare for Auburn, they even did some Auburn study work during the preseason and spring game. Then to a UTenn side that suddenly looks good. Then UGA and Bama at home. If we get through Arky and UTenn, the UGA game should be good.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Acock's SEC Wrap Up: Week 8

Damn... LOL

Let me do the Pac-12 version of this:

(1) Oregon: Phil Knight has finally bought him a program that can compete for a national title.... Congrats, asshole! I hope you choke on some chicken noodle soup that those 3 year old in Cambodia made for you, during their 3 minute break from sewing Nike Combat Shorts
(2) Stanford: Gotta love the smart kids...
(3) UCLA.. Lost to the smart kids, but Hundley is a legit QB
(4) Arizona State... jekyl&hyde... who knows... looked good last weekend
(5) Oregon State... amazing this team lost to Eastern Washington earlier this year.. playing well
(6) Washington... they piss this U-Dub Alum off! But, hey.... back to a chitty bowl! Hoo-ray!
(7) Arizona... Meh... Rich-Rod will win 7 games per year... and that is about it.... hes still that guy that tried to ruin Michigan
(8) Utah.. They did beat Stanford, but get them away from Salt Lake City, and they suck monkey balls
(9) Washington State... Leach is making them respectable.... but he needs more talent... this team will win 6, and go to Siberia to face another chitty team in the "No Habla Bowl"
(10) USC.. I hate them, wish a 13.0 magnitude earthquake would hit the center of campus, and take all them f**kers out (other than the song-girls)... IJS
(11) Colorado... HEY, you are better this year!! Yeah, you still suck... but not as much
(12) California... Good thing 90% of the people that follow you are too stoned to give a f**k that you suck ass! Mo' Cheetos, damnit!
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Last edited by U-Dub Gamecock; 10-25-2013 at 09:59 PM.
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