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Old 10-29-2013, 10:32 PM   #1
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Default The Many variety of Forum Posters

Please note that no one person was intended to represent any of the classifications

-The Zergling
This guy is the second guy to post on every thread because he's constantly zipping through the forums like a maniacal lunatic no-lifer. Every word in scrutinized, seared, and sent a singularly summarized sentence of sarcastic satire in a simply silly supposition of seeming smart. Often the attention span of this poster lasts only long enough to crush the thread in singular mocking post and leaving it to the others to finish the kill. He usually provides no proof and can't stand up to debate, but at least he thinks he sounds all-wise.

-The Zealot
This guy is often the OP himself, but if another Zealot wanders into the thread, there will be a fight to the death. They will not let their point rest. They believe they fight for honor, dignity, and the principle that they are always right and that the forums really matter in the big scheme of things. If someone disagrees, they are wrong and must be shown to the world as being wrong, simple as that.

-The Ghost
This is the guy everyone thinks he is but only the few elite achieve. The Ghost enters a thread out of nowhere, fires out a single perfectly-worded sentence or lays down a bomb of OBVIOUS, and then sneaks away to let his victims lick their wounds. Refusing to stay for a lasting engagement, he's content on speaking his mind and leaving it be.

-The Baneling
You know who you are. You like to watch the explosion. Heck, you like to BE the explosion. If it drives people crazy and spawns pages and pages of rage and strife, it's right up your alley. Sometimes you even know you've been proven wrong, but you'll keep it going to see how long it'll go. Sarcasm, WRITING IN ALL CAPS, mocking, and more sarcasm are your favorite tools. You are the Zergling, but EVOLVED. You scare the rest of us.

-The High Templar
This guy's good and knows it. Obnoxiously arrogant, he listens to no one he believes inferior, which is, well, everybody. Sadly for the rest of us, he is usually right and makes some seriously valid points. He is very good for toasting a whole bunch of Zerglings and Banelings in a single post, but often loses steam to endure the constant onslaught that more will bring.

-The Raven
This guy knows everything technical about the game. He knows all the terms, facts, and details of all the units, upgrades, and doodads and is open to sharing. Often unbiased, he's just the fact guy and delights in sharing his intellect for the rest of the rabble to use as ammunition in their never-ending pyre of flaming. He doesn't mind how they use his info, though, he just likes being the smart one of the bunch.

Blatant Troll
If you’ve spent more than an hour interacting with others on the super highway, you’ve no doubt come across a troll. A troll is someone who posts inflammatory remarks in hopes of inciting anger or just any reaction from anyone. Comments like: "girlz are no good at sports, Mia Hamm wouldnt' last 1 quarter in a boyz high school game!!!!!!!!! she is stooopid!!!" on a women’s rights site is troll gold. The Blatant Troll knows exactly what he is doing and usually posts anonymously as revealing his identity could put his safety in jeopardy. Poor spelling, bad grammar, and random punctuation are hallmarks of the Blatant Troll.


Latent Troll
The Latent Troll is similar to the Blatant Troll except he doesn’t know he’s being a troll. His inflammatory remarks are posted with a higher cause in mind. He sees himself as a crusader and his ranting is the means to justify the end. Those who feel his wrath are just pawns in a bigger game. Maybe he's adamant that the moon landing didn't really happen or perhaps he insists that the music of Wilson Phillips was original and cutting edge and "we just don't get it". Unfortunately, no one ever stands by the latent troll or his doctrine. He figures that we're either out to get him, but more than likely, we're just not ready for his genius.

Wise and Powerful Oz
Do you have a technical question? Be careful not to piss off the Wise and Powerful Oz. No matter what you ask, he will remind you that you’re posting the question in the wrong forum, or the question has already been answered in the FAQ and "that’s what it’s there for", or RTFM!?!? Ironically, he spends more time pointing out your stupidity than it would have taken to just answer your question. But, let’s face it, you need to learn your lesson, and he’s more than happy to kick virtual sand in your face as you gaze in awe of his technical physique. He's obviously brilliant and doesn't have time for your shenanigans, yet he spends surprisingly lots of time ridiculing everyone.

Nerd
The Nerd is easy to spot because his posts are usually glittered with every feature the board has to offer such as, but certainly not limited to, bold text, fancy formatting, linkage, or maybe an avatar that randomly changes with each page refresh. He’s probably pissed because the administrator won’t upgrade from phpBB 2.6.2 to beta 2.6.3 version h. And don’t ask the Nerd to help you with a PC or Mac problem because he’s running a modified binary Linux desktop. Then, he'll launch into a five page essay explaining that he doesn’t understand why anyone would use anything that wasn’t open source. The Nerd is smarter than you and more efficient to boot and you're jealous you don't possess his l33t skillz.

Flunky
The Flunky is the Yen to the nerd’s Yang. It’s truly amazing the Flunky was even able to get online to post in the first place. If not for the user friendly $20 per month dial-up service courtesy of AOL and a stroke of luck that his computer didn't boot up in safe mode this time, we probably wouldn't even hear from the Flunky. Sure, he could pay the same price for DSL, but Internet Explorer is a little tricky and doesn't have those cool, intrusive advertisements.

In contrast to the Nerd, the Flunky’s posts are riddled with poorly formed tags resulting in text such as:

[quote]Who else here likes to eat cat poo poo [ /quote] That’s [7]gross]/u]!!! lol.

To the Flunky, the preview button is just a portal to spam or viruses perhaps. Those conveniently placed JavaScript tag form buttons are nothing more than hieroglyphics.

Harry Carry
It's hit the fan and this guy just can't take it anymore. Harry Carry proceeds to lash out against anyone and everyone with foul language and threats of physical violence. You know he means business, too because he hasn't spared any exclamation point or bold text which is clearly visible in size 72 font. He's burning bridges like it's going out of style. If you met Harry Carry in real life, you'd never know he was a raging rageoholic - heck, he probably runs an orphanage with lots of puppies. But we're on the Internet and we can do or say anything we want without consequences - it's the place where dreams come true.

Joe Q. Transcript
I feel bad for Joe Q. Transcript. He is always misunderstood. He just posted a two page persuasive piece explaining why communism is a good idea on paper, but when you argue against it, he responds "I never said I liked communism - show me one quote where I said I thought communism was a good idea!!!". Nothing ever sticks to Joe Q. Transcript - technically, he always has an out or a loophole to save him. He's an enigma - saying a lot without really saying anything.

The Spoiler
You just came across a fresh and funny video and you can't wait to share it with your online friends. You're so excited and post the link for everyone to enjoy. Watch out for the Spoiler because he is ready to pee on your cupcake. The Spoiler saw that video three months ago - "That is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo OLD!!!". The more o's means more old. You thought you were a trend setter, but it turns out your news is outdated and stale. Worse yet, the Spoiler posted the same link on the same forum weeks ago and he's made sure to include a link to that post as a receipt of proof in large, underlined, red font. Stay in the kiddy pool, skipper - you're messin' with the Spoiler.

Sandbag Sal
Sal has no substance, no opinions of his own, and apparently not a very fulfilling life. He has 10,000 posts that are mostly one word responses like "w0rd" or 90's dialect such as "you go girl". You get the feeling he's just trying to climb the rank leader board - he's been stuck at "Veteran" for a few weeks and is ready for the prestige and responsibility of "Expert".

The Terrorist
Your thread about curing cancer starts making progress and then a Terrorist comes along and hijacks it to talk about flowers. You hope everyone will just ignore him and stay on topic but no such luck. He's got a lot takers and now your cancer thread has turned into one that explores why chrysanthemums have better foliage in the fall than roses. You vow to get the discussion back on track, but before you know it, you start arguing that roses actually have the better foliage. The Terrorist wins.

Emoticon Elliot
Elliot has a tough time communicating online without visual cues. The solution? Emoticons - and lots of them. Elliot goes beyond the occasional smiley face or wink. With him, it's not a matter of if he'll use an emoticon, it's how many? In addition to the ones built into the message board, he's got his own private stash to stand out even more. You get the feeling he's the kind of guy who likes to do a lot of high-fiving and hugging. He probably needs therapy.

Traveling Salesman
The Traveling Salesman only starts or posts to threads that benefit him. If you're a member of a music forum, do a search for Traveling Salesman's posts and they are probably all about when his band's next show is and that you should come because "it's going to be the best show ever". Don't expect Traveling Salesman to come to your band's show because he only reads and comments on his threads. He's in promotion mode 24/7 365 days of the year because, as he puts it - "you have to be to survive in this business". In the race for success, the Traveling Salesman doesn't want a slice - he wants the whole pie.

Norm
Just like with the popular show Cheers, every board probably has a Norm. This person enjoys the message board just a little too much. Who needs real life when you can just talk about it? Armed with a number of posts twice as high as the next highest poster, Norm spends many hours refreshing for new posts while diligently plotting his next one. Looking for a new drinking game idea? Pick a thread and if you find one where Norm resisted the urge post something in it, take a drink.

Dic
You'd better know your stuff if you ever take on the Dic. He loves to argue with people and his finishing move for repartee is the English dictionary.

rep·ar·tee ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rpr-t, -t, -är-)
n.
A swift, witty reply.
Conversation marked by the exchange of witty retorts. See Synonyms at wit1.

[French repartie, from feminine past participle of repartir, to retort, from Old French, to retort, to depart again : re-, re- + partir, to depart (from Latin partre, to divide, from pars, part-, part. See per-2 in Indo-European Roots).]

If you dare use a word in the wrong context or more importantly, against Dic, he will unleash the power of citing sources against you. This allows him to be smart and condescending at the same time. He likes to take on sensitive topics like law, politics, or religion. You'd swear he was a working attorney, although he has a surprisingly tough time distinguishing when to use "your" versus "you're", "their" versus "they're", or pretty much anything involving an apostrophe.

Janitor
The Janitor is that forum administrator that you know has no real power in life and this is his big chance to wield his authority with a mighty fist. The Janitor routinely moves threads to the right forum, locks threads, and bans users. On an occasion, he’ll appeal to the common peasant forum members for their opinion of whether to ban a member or not, but chances are he’s already sentenced the offender and it’s just a matter of when he’ll pound the gavel. He’d do much more if he could, but realistically, it’s just a message board and that’s the limit to how much power he can abuse.


taken from various sources...more to come
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:16 AM   #2
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

that was funny.
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Old 10-31-2013, 12:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

the nice guy
the rarest breed of forum poster, he is almost extinct but still exists, almost never seen getting into fights
example post, hard to pinpoint, anything kind



the self proclaimed troll radar
anything going against his point of view is a troll, do you disagree that Spurrier made a bad call? thats because your a troll
example post, wow go troll somewhere else

the white knight
You could beat this guy with sticks and he would still defend them, he sticks with certain posters through it all, arguing with lot with "haters"
example post, "X" poster should be a mod. Adds signature that so and so should be a mod

the hater
hates about everything riot does, generally claims he will stop doing something but never actually stops doing it
example post, if spurrier keeps calling those plays, I will quit watching the games, "1 weeks later" If Deke Adams doesn't get the DL together, then I will quit watching the games

the guy who can't type

ths guy is almos impsobble to have a convsation with cause he is in 5th garade usullly calls thing op example post, hey guyz pleas narf fiddle, his dran is op
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Old 10-31-2013, 12:51 PM   #4
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

That Guy- He starts many of his posts with, "I hate to be that guy BUT..."
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Old 10-31-2013, 12:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

The Potato:
Clemson fans
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:43 PM   #6
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

The Renaissance Man: The poster who's not only done it all, but seen it all. You could instantly insert this poster into any Chuck Norris joke and believe it to be true. His stories will always one up yours, and if it's not a personal story, he's really close to somebody that has your's beat.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:46 PM   #7
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acockolypse Now View Post
The Potato:
Clemson fans

Best one yet
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

I'm sitting in a Chick Fil A on lunch break right now laughin out loud. Good stuff man.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:55 PM   #9
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Default Re: The Many variety of Forum Posters

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightohhthree View Post
The Renaissance Man: The poster who's not only done it all, but seen it all. You could instantly insert this poster into any Chuck Norris joke and believe it to be true. His stories will always one up yours, and if it's not a personal story, he's really close to somebody that has your's beat.
Similar to

Nostalgic Joe:

This person had it good back in his day and he wants you to know that things were much better than they are now. This poster makes it a point to show the younger crowd is missing out and will never experience the good ole days.

Also similar to

Hipster Harry:

This person was into forums before they were cool. He was also into any pop culture item that is currently famous and claims that they/it was better before everyone heard about it. Often posts while wearing a plaid shirt, nonprescription large-rim glasses while listening to Iron & Wine(deep tracks only).
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