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Old 11-06-2013, 03:49 PM   #1
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Default Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Once the NFL concludes their investigation of the Martin/Incognito situation, how will some of the new Player Conduct Policies read? This should be funny. Ready, go!...
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:11 PM   #2
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

How about the CT policy of starting a "funny thread" and not contributing anything funny to it?

Go!
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Old 11-06-2013, 06:31 PM   #3
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Don't anally rape other players while shouting racist epitaphs at them!

I kill me!
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:52 PM   #4
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

You may only extort size able sums from rookie players for vacations if the amount exceeds the monthly take home from to the league minimum contracts they sign.

Psych!!
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:31 PM   #5
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Rookie shower's are no longer referred to as a "Sandusky shower."
Vinegar is no longer permitted in eye drop containers
Salt is no longer to be put into bandages
Icey-Hot is not to be used in jock straps...on gamedays.
Weights are no longer to have Vaseline put on the handles during use
Live sharks are no longer to be placed in training pools
super glue can no longer be put on whistles

And finally...these is no longer use of brown rocks in the shape of footballs for field goal kickers
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:43 PM   #6
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

New rule: Masturbation while looking at lame threads you started is no longer permitted
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Old 11-13-2013, 08:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

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Old 11-14-2013, 02:29 PM   #8
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Policy amendment for policy 541.879.02- Mouth Shitting
Players are NOT to engage in, or condone, threats such as 'mouth-shitting'. Any reference to a teammate-on-teammate 'mouth-shit' will be deemed unacceptable behavior and both players will be suspended.
Anyone who observes what appears to be threats of a Mouth Shitting or other improper Mouth Shitting behavior must report it to theIr immediate coaching staff or GM Office. and in the appropriate case file a Player Code of Conduct Complaint (see ABOR 541.879).
Dolphin employees who observe what appears to be Mouth Shitting behavior must also report it to their supervisor or GM Office.

Please sign here that you've read and understand the new policy regarding proper mouth-shitting behavior

Post-mouth-shitting counseling for both the shiter and shitee will be provided.
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Old 11-14-2013, 03:13 PM   #9
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...



This will no longer be considered proper exercise equipment and must be removed from the weight room immediately and forever more. Also, all player outings involving strippers and prostitutes must be pre-approved by the Miami Dolphins in conjunction with the NFL.
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Old 11-14-2013, 06:12 PM   #10
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Quote:
Originally Posted by spareparts View Post
New rule: Masturbation while looking at lame threads you started is no longer permitted
Come on SprayFarts, lighten up.
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Old 11-14-2013, 07:52 PM   #11
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

Quote:
Originally Posted by spareparts View Post
New rule: Masturbation while looking at lame threads you started is no longer permitted
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Old 11-14-2013, 08:19 PM   #12
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Default Re: Miami Dolphins: New Player Conduct Policies...

No crying
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