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Old 11-13-2013, 11:24 PM   #1
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Default A wild story

A man was walking his pet giraffe down the street. She fell asleep so he decided to leave her there. Another man was walking by and said "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The owner replies with "That isn't a lion, it's a giraffe."
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:06 AM   #2
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Default Re: A wild story

Hmmmm no. Stick to whatever you do during the day to make money.
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:08 AM   #3
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Default Re: A wild story

Two mushrooms walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we don't serve mushrooms in here!"

"Why not?" asks one of the mushrooms "I'm a fungi"
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:09 AM   #4
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Default Re: A wild story

...and the bartender said, "are you a string?!"

...and he said, "NO I'M A FRAYED KNOT!"
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Old 11-14-2013, 01:10 AM   #5
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Default Re: A wild story

then the bartender said, "Why the long face? Also, we don't serve horses in here!"

....and Sarah Jessica Parker said, "not you too!"
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Old 11-14-2013, 06:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: A wild story

Two rednecks were driving through Miami when they got real thirsty for
a cold beer and decided to pull into the next bar they came to for a
short break and a cold one. They find this swanky night club outside the
city and decide to inside. Both have on overalls and no shirt. Dude at
the door stops then and ask them where the hell do they think they're
going ? ... one of them says "Hey look man, all we want it to have a beer
and rest for a minute, and we're outta here. ... Guy at the door tells them
this is a well run lounge and they have dress codes there, so without
a shirt and tie, you can't go inside. ...... They both go back to the car
and grab their dirty TShirts and look around for something to substitute for
a Tie. All they have in the truck are a couple of pairs of jumper cables, so
the throw those around their necks, tie them in a makeshift bow tie and
head back to the bar....... when they get to the door, they tell the guy.
"OK, we got shirts and ties now" ... Dude gives them a long hard look
and then says "OK, you guys can go in, But Don't Start Anything"
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Last edited by Spurticus; 11-16-2013 at 02:50 PM.
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:27 AM   #7
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Default Re: A wild story

-_-
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:42 AM   #8
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Default Re: A wild story

Two friends were traveling to Disney World they got into an argument about where they were one said Orlando and the other said Kissimmee. To settle the argument they stopped at a restaurant to ask. They walked up to the counter and ask the young lady; where are we and please say it slowly. She looked at them and very very slowly said B u r g e r K I n g.
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:38 PM   #9
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Default Re: A wild story

This thread needs to be deleted.
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Old 11-14-2013, 02:45 PM   #10
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Default Re: A wild story

How do you cook toilet paper?
Just brown it on 1 side!
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:29 PM   #11
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Default Re: A wild story

Quote:
Originally Posted by SirBigSpur View Post
A man was walking his pet giraffe down the street. She fell asleep so he decided to leave her there. Another man was walking by and said "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The owner replies with "That isn't a lion, it's a giraffe."
This is the joke...version of this joke...the first non-zombie guy the main character in '28 Days Later' comes across after waking up tells.

He tells the joke while still wearing a gas mask and it is the first thing he says directly to Jim once they enter the temporary safety of the store.

Take that trivial pursuit!

Last edited by LBC; 11-15-2013 at 09:00 AM.
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Old 11-15-2013, 12:19 AM   #12
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Default Re: A wild story

Three priests were traveling to Pittsburgh and decided to go by train. One of the priests walked up to the counter to buy the tickets and noticed the clerk was a beautiful, shapely young woman wearing a blouse with a relatively low-swung neckline.

When the clerk asked the priest if she could help him, he got nervous and said, "Yes. I would like to purchase three pickets to titsburgh, please." Immediately catching his error, the priest simply turned away ashamed and walked back to the other two.

Hearing the first priest's explanation of what happened, one of the remaining two decides to purchase the tickets. He is greeted by the same beautiful woman, but he is prepared. He tells the woman, "I would like to buy three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like my change in nipples and dimes." As with the first, the second priest turned and walked away extremely ashamed of himself.

Knowing what the first two priests had experienced, the third tells them they SHOULD be ashamed of themselves and that he would handle the situation. He promptly walks to the counter, looks the same young woman right in the eyes and says, "I would like to buy three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like my change in nickels and dimes." The clerk looks at the priest and says, "Yes sir. Right away." While the lady is filling the priest's request, he decides to use the opportunity to help set her on the right path. He speaks up and says, "Ma'am, if you don't change your ways and start dressing in a more professional, less provocative way, St. Finger is going to shake his peter at you!"
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:14 AM   #13
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Default Re: A wild story

"That's incredible" the agent said... "what do you call yourselves?"

THE ARISTOCRATS!
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Old 11-15-2013, 12:23 PM   #14
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Default Re: A wild story

Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted.
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:41 PM   #15
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Default Re: A wild story

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender is unsure of what to do so he asked the manager how he should handle it. The manager says "Check his ID and if he's old enough, charge him $10."

The bartender checks and the gorilla is of age. He pours him a beer and says "That will be $10." The gorilla pays him and starts to drink his beer.

The bartender, after several awkward minutes of silence, says to the gorilla, "You know, we don't get many gorillas in here."

"At these prices I can see why!" Answers the gorilla.
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Old 11-15-2013, 03:12 PM   #16
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Default Re: A wild story

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acockolypse Now View Post
"That's incredible" the agent said... "what do you call yourselves?"

THE ARISTOCRATS!
That is the dirtiest joke I have ever heard.
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Old 11-15-2013, 04:20 PM   #17
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Default Re: A wild story

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?











"Where's my tractor?"
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Old 11-15-2013, 07:01 PM   #18
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Default Re: A wild story

Take my wife.............................................. .................................................. ..




Please
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Old 11-15-2013, 07:04 PM   #19
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Default Re: A wild story

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake
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Old 11-15-2013, 09:03 PM   #20
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Default Re: A wild story

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

I'm a pile up.


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