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Old 11-09-2013, 06:50 PM   #1
eklypised
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Default Relationship issue (What would you do)

Ive been dating this girl for about a year now. She has 2 kids and we pretty much live together. the baby daddy knew we were together but we broke up for about a month, but we got back together. She hasn't told him we got back together. Right now I have no job and he sends her money weekly for his kids, which he should do. He works out of state a lot and his kids bday party was today. He flew in last night and she went and picked him up. the thing is I have to leave for the weekend so he can stay their since he doesn't know we are together I have to leave. the whole issue is if she tells him we are back together she thinks he will not send any money for the kids. She wants me to be the man of the house and do all this stuff but if he comes home for a weekend or something I have to get out. And again the whole issue is over money. I think hes coming home for a week for Thanksgiving. So what am I suppose to do leave and have her ex stay their for a week with my girl. I trust her completely that nothing sexual will happen. But its the principal that I have to leave everytime he comes home. Im getting tired of it. I know I cant support her and the kids fincaially right now, but its still not fair to me to have to be kept a secret for money. The dude should support his kids either way if shes dating somebody else or not. And she breaks down to me and tells me how sorry she is it has to be like this. I just don't know what to do anymore. What would you do?
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Old 11-09-2013, 06:56 PM   #2
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Not being a smartass...run.
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

I think if he is the dad and there is an agreement in place, he should still be sending child support. I am not a lawyer but I thought only if the woman remarries is when child support is no longer needed.

Anyway, to the poster above me...I sorta agree. I dont know how old you are, but do you really need that?
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Find someone without any kids. Too much baggage.
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:21 PM   #5
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

You're right- he should support his kids, but are you saying you benefit in no way financially from the money he sends her, she uses it 100% on the kids? I would sure hope so, and even if the actual answer is no, I wouldn't expect someone to admit to it publicly.



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Old 11-09-2013, 07:22 PM   #6
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

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Old 11-09-2013, 07:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Dude that sounds pretty messed up. Are you actively looking for a job? I think that's a requirement for being labeled "man of the house."
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:30 PM   #8
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

I do pay the rent with my unemployment check
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:30 PM   #9
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

I wouldn't date someone with kids in the first place unless things were perfect. I double wouldn't date a girl with kids if i didn't have a job. You either need to man up, and both of you tell the truth to him, or just get out. Like someone else said, if there was some sort of, I assume, legal agreement with child support, he can't just stop sending it. If there wasn't, well that seems like her fault. This is almost a small comparison to people being on food stamps and welfare when the DON'T need to be.
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:32 PM   #10
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

I agree with the posters above. Run away, fast. There's nothing wrong with kids, or a beautiful woman who has them. But, this woman is playing the ex hard. She will gladly do the same to you at some point.

If the money is an issue, there are legal avenues to have a court order the child support. This is some crazy backhanded tomfoolery.

If I'm being honest, at the risk of offending you, it sounds like she's leading him on about getting together to keep the money flowing. Otherwise, there would be NO REASON for you to have to vacate allowing him to spend a few nights with the lady.
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:34 PM   #11
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

With the situation that you described, I'd say break the ties and start over
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:36 PM   #12
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Quote:
Originally Posted by eklypised View Post
I do pay the rent with my unemployment check
But is any of the 'child support' money going to buy food you eat, utility bills you contribute to consumption-wise, or pay other types of expenses you help incur?

If so, then you've got no ground to stand on in criticizing how you might have to walk on egg shells when he's around.



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Old 11-09-2013, 07:40 PM   #13
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

^i agree 100%

The fact you asked this on a message board proves your immaturity...time to move on...kids are being all sorts of bad messages and examples

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Old 11-09-2013, 07:41 PM   #14
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Yuck. Bounce out of there. She will treat you like she treats him.

Also, as an addition, when my wife and I were separated pending divorce (which sounds a bit different than what you're dealing with) whenever I would stay a few nights we would most definitely do the nasty. I'd be willing to bet some real hard cash that she is indeed milking him to be able to continue milking him.
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Old 11-09-2013, 07:47 PM   #15
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

So you pay the rent and still has to leave?.. Get out why you can bro.
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:02 PM   #16
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Quote:
Originally Posted by RGHoskins View Post
Dude that sounds pretty messed up. Are you actively looking for a job? I think that's a requirement for being labeled "man of the house."
Truth spoken.
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:07 PM   #17
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

She picks him up and he stays at the house? Is she giving you some?

Something tells me this is one of the situations that either end up on Dateline or Maury.
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Old 11-09-2013, 08:10 PM   #18
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

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Old 11-09-2013, 08:56 PM   #19
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Quote:
Originally Posted by TKE226 View Post
I think if he is the dad and there is an agreement in place, he should still be sending child support. I am not a lawyer but I thought only if the woman remarries is when child support is no longer needed.

Anyway, to the poster above me...I sorta agree. I dont know how old you are, but do you really need that?
That is not the case. Child support is given based on the legal agreement to the custodial parent usually until the child turns 18. Even if the child support is used on bills or groceries or even a trip to the movies then it is fine. There are so many daily expenses raising a child that the non custodial parent doesn't have to deal with, it is perfectly fine for the child support money to go into a general family fund.
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Old 11-09-2013, 09:02 PM   #20
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Default Re: Relationship issue (What would you do)

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3MTA3 View Post
But is any of the 'child support' money going to buy food you eat, utility bills you contribute to consumption-wise, or pay other types of expenses you help incur?

If so, then you've got no ground to stand on in criticizing how you might have to walk on egg shells when he's around.



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What about his money that goes into the bills that the child helps run up? That works both ways. Even if she uses the money to pay bills that he contributes to he pays for stuff the kids use. We just paid the mortgage at the beginning of the month, I didn't tell my stepsons dad to fork over a 3rd cause his kid lives here, that's ridiculous.
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