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Old 06-24-2014, 04:36 PM   #21
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

Every child is different. What works for some will not work for others. I have spanked mine but it is typically last resort when other methods are not working.

I follow to rules.

Never in public. It should never be about humiliation
Always with the hand on the bum. When you use your hand you can feel yourself how hard you are hitting.
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Old 06-24-2014, 04:37 PM   #22
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

I was spanked as a child. However, I don't spank as a parent. There are many reasons for that.

For one, I think I get too angry/emotional to do it out of discipline. Second, I don't think it is the best sort of discipline for my kids. Each of my boys is different. Just yelling at one of them scars him. I can't imagine what hitting him would do. The other is more emotional like but but after calming down is rational. He often apologizes for his behavior without asking.

Am I against spanking? My gut says yes even though I was and turned out OK. However, I think there are many different factors to consider - including yourself, your reasons for doing it, your kids and their personalities, and making sure you deal with them respectfully and lovingly. Spanking isn't a simple yes or no thing. I lean towards no because I think there are better ways to do it and don't think it works for me or my kids.
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Old 06-24-2014, 04:37 PM   #23
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

My Dad had a big grey belt that he kept hanging in the hall closet. When I got in trouble he would make me go get the belt and bring it to him. Walking to that closet was always the toughest part of a whippin.
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Old 06-24-2014, 06:06 PM   #24
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

The belt taught me some life lessons. Never was excessive but it was just enough to get the point across.
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Old 06-24-2014, 09:32 PM   #25
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

I think parents should be disciplined severely and often, then maybe they won't have such bratty kids.
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Old 06-24-2014, 11:02 PM   #26
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

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Originally Posted by rdwylie View Post
If I may be so bold as to interject this into the conversation. I do not intend to bring religion into the discussion for those who do not believe in Christ but are still good parents are many. However, this book has given me more than any other book I have ever read on a Biblical perspective on raising children. The goal is to raise kids who love and live under the authority of God. Discipline is a part of that as it is a part of life itself. For those of you who are believers, pick up a copy and read it with your spouse and if it is not worth the time and effort you put in I will apologize to you personally on a thread named in your honor. I warn you though, be ready to be thumped.

http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Ch.../dp/0966378601

beat me to it.
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Old 06-24-2014, 11:34 PM   #27
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

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beat me to it.
lol. That really is an EXCEPTIONAL book. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
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Old 06-25-2014, 03:28 AM   #28
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

This is a difficult question to answer. I have an almost 6 yr old that I had very young and my relationship with his mother did not last very long after he was born. This is where is gets difficult. I was spanked/whipped as a child and have never laid a hand on my son because I have never needed to. His mother was not disiplined as a child and tells me she has to spank him all the time for misbehaving, yelling at her, throwing tantrums, etc. I have never seen him behave like this.

During the week he stays with her and I have him on the weekends. Until a few months ago she was living with her mom in a "Brady Bunch" type home where whenever he was told "no," he could go to another person in the house and get what he wanted.

When he is with me or my parents/brothers he does not have that option. What I say goes and there is no second guessing. This was something that I made clear to my family as soon as he was born. I have never put up with any type of misbehavior out of him. If we are in public and he misbehaves, we leave and I talk to him in the car about what he did wrong. If he ever starts to act out in public usually I can just give him a stern "HEY!" And he is fine. There are times when he tries my patience. When that happens I talk to him alone and let him know why I have called him out. This always does the trick.

A couple months ago she talked to me about his behavior and we sat down together and explained to him how he was expected to behave no matter who he was with, and so far, this has helped her out with his behavior 10-fold.

What I have learned in my short career as a parent is that a child needs to know first and foremost that what mom/dad say, goes.

The first thing that a baby learns in their life is that if you cry, your parents will give you what they want. Once they begin to cry for attention and not out of necessity (ie hungry, diaper change, not feeling well) then you stop putting up with it without being negligent. As soon as you give in to a tantrum, they have you trained and they know it. This is when you need to start letting them know that you are in charge, not them. It was extremely hard for me to stand my ground the first time he acted out when I told him "no" but it has worked so far.

But most importantly, always tell them that you love them and you know what is best for them.
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Old 06-25-2014, 08:54 AM   #29
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

make them mind you at home and they will do the same in public. You can't expect different results because you go out in public.
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Old 06-25-2014, 09:28 AM   #30
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

I’m not a parent (thank goodness – I don’t like children!), but today’s parents (generalization) seem to be sorely lacking disciplinary techniques. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen kids acting up, talking back to their parents, screaming and falling on the ground and what do the parents do? The kid is rolling all over the ground and the Dad says, “please Johnny, don’t do that.” Or the Mom picks up little Johnny and says, “do you need an extra hug today?” Seriously, I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Or the kid is sent to ‘time out.’ Time out? Time out these days means going to their rooms (oh, the horror) where they still have computer games, etc.

Or the parents will take away their kid’s cell phone for two hours. Wow – such child abuse! One friend of mine tells her daughter to go to her room and “put on her big girl pants.” Big girl pants? Really?

As you can tell I have no patience for kids, so it’s even better I have none of my own. And as an older guy I was certainly not spared the rod as a kid (not all of it deserved), but there has to be a happy medium between being beaten with a belt and no discipline at all. Thank goodness I don’t ever have to worry about making that decision.

No popsicle for you tonight! That’ll teach ‘em!
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Old 06-25-2014, 09:37 AM   #31
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

Or even better...I see a kid behaving badly, and the parent sticks an iPad or phone in their face for them to play with and quiet them down. Come on parents...fess up to this one. I see it ALL the time.
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Old 06-25-2014, 10:09 AM   #32
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

I disagree with the methods these people employed with their child. However, it is not my business as long as the kid is not being physically injured in a significant way (i.e., not just a red bottom). It does seem like these parents could benefit from a good religious program on how to discipline a kid.

Some of the crap that the media puts on TV for children is probably contributing to the decline in children's behavior.
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Old 06-25-2014, 10:11 AM   #33
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

Better yet, put them in their room and make them watch Duck Dynasty or Honey Boo Boo. If that was my punishment, I’d never misbehave again!
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:04 PM   #34
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

The original question needs to be addressed further. If you have to ask yourself the question 'is this abuse?' the answer is likely yes.
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Old 06-25-2014, 01:21 PM   #35
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

If you don't whip your children , you hate them .. That "Time Out" crap only makes them scheme and hate ...
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Old 06-25-2014, 02:02 PM   #36
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

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If you don't whip your children, you hate them .. That "Time Out" crap only makes them scheme and hate ...
Overall, I agree with you, but I must admit it works pretty well with my nephew's children. Although I think that may change when they get older since they are only 4 and nearly 6.

I must also admit I've found myself silently raging at him and his wife for not doing something more when the kids just won't stop (or start) whatever behavior they should.
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Old 06-25-2014, 03:03 PM   #37
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

I whoop mine (grew up getting whoopings - people in the suburbs were spanked).

It sounds like the line was crossed if a full 30 licks were administered. That, and the parent is a weakling. I find a good, close, eye-to-eye "you know better" works fine in public...its pretty damn key though, that they in fact do know better.
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Old 06-25-2014, 04:16 PM   #38
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

The whole "Wait until your father get's home" got me the most. haha
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Old 06-25-2014, 04:46 PM   #39
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

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The whole "Wait until your father get's home" got me the most. haha
Ohhhhh CRAP!!! I always hated that. Almost as bad was, "We need to talk when you get home from school."
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Old 06-25-2014, 05:05 PM   #40
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Default Re: Where do you draw the line between parental discipline and child abuse

There are few pleasures better than being around a well disciplined child .. The Bible says to beat them with a stick , you will not kill them but you will save their lives .. I sure got my share too .. Once I decided I wasn't going to cry and it was then I found out my dad had a whole other gear I hadn't known about , SUPER OUCH , LOL
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